


Troll Tangled

by HappyEight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyEight/pseuds/HappyEight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feferi Peixes wants nothing more in her life than to leave her tower and visit the ocean to see the floating lights that rise into the sky every year on her birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Troll Tangled

**Author's Note:**

> This is for itspbjtimebros who asked for Feferi/Vriska Tangled AU. The prompt spoke to my soul and then spiraled out of control which is why it took song to get this done whoops. I only apologize for the dumb title. I regret nothing else.

 Alright, listen up you sad wastes of space I'm going to tell you a story. It has crazy magic, treachery, rebellious citizens, a missing princess, an evil sorceress intent on taking back her throne, and a gorgeous, dashing thief who saves the day and basically the whole kingdom. Wow, this would almost be interesting if I wasn't in it! Almost.

It all started with a fish. Not some ordinary fish. That would be a really dumb way to start a story. This was a magical, midnight-blue fish who lived in the shallows near a great castle where one day a King and Queen would be expecting the birth of their first daughter. The fish had a cushy life with plenty of food to eat and the surrounding reef kept it safe from any larger fish that might want to munch on it so it pretty much never had to worry about anything. This fish had such an excellent life you should be really jealous of this fish. Like, wow, he was so much better than you.

While fish might have been swimming like a king life up in the castle wasn't so great.

'But wait, Mindfang,' I hear you interrupting like a pan damaged wriggler, 'You said it was a magical fish! You didn't say anything about how the fish was magical!' Yeah, well chill the fuck out. You can't just go telling a story all at once. It's almost like you don't know anything about telling stories. OH WAIT. You don't. So, sit down, shut the fuck up, and listen

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so life up in the castle was pretty terrible. Life in the whole kingdom of Alternia was pretty miserable, actually. The woman in charge went by the title of Her Imperious Condescension. How full of yourself do you have to be going around being called by that? Most people just called her The Condesce because otherwise no one would get anything done but saying her longass name.

Not only was she a pretty amazing sorceress, she was also tyrannic and brutal ruler. Like most sea trolls she had a crazy ridiculous life span and had been in charge for longer than most people had been alive. There wasn't anyone in the entire kingdom who didn't wish that she wasn't in charge anymore.

Luckily for the people Alternia, there was a heir to the throne, the queens daughter, Meenah Piexes. So when Meenah finally got to an age where she would stand a chance against her mother, herself and a group of wonderfully, treacherous rebels staged a revolt and knocked Her Imperial Condescension off her throne and right onto her plush sea troll rear and the proceeded to fill her with lots of nice stab holes. I bet on a professional level The Condesce was impressed with the stabbing because she herself was a fan of stabbing. The lady knew how to make a corpse or two.

However, she liked herself being stabbed a whole lot less than stabbing other people and fled the castle with the aid of her magic before they could finish running her through with her own trident. The Condesce swore revenge on her daughter and the rebels and disappeared into the sea before anyone could stop her.

The Condesce probably would have died out in the sea if it weren't for WHABAM! magical fish. Story came full circle. Suck it! The magical fish found The Condesce bleeding to death and with one brush of his magical fish scales cured her of all of the stab holes in her body, and carried her to shore. There The Condesce hid herself away from the prying eyes of the castle and the people who would like to fill her with holes again.

She realized that not only had the fish healed all the wounds on her body, it had made her feel young again, and she decided to wait until the opportune moment to take back the throne and begin her rule anew.

For the rest of the kingdom life pretty much became great in comparison. Now that they weren't being murder ruled by The Condesce they were able to turn the kingdom into a productive, happy place where people weren't living in fear of being corpsified when Her Imperial Condescension was having a bad day or even a good day and still felt like making some corpses.

A few years passed Queen Meenah married a man named Karkat Vantas, a commoner with a cute butt, and soon after the royal couple was expecting the birth of their first daughter. The Condesce saw her chance to strike while the Queen was vulnerable. She cursed the Queen and made her super ill and not in the way a coolkid would talk about the beats he was dropping. Like the really, horribly sick kind of ill. Everyone was pretty distraught because it seemed like the Queen was going to eat the dust. The king was more distraught than anyone and demanded that all of Alternia be searched for anything that would rescue the Queen.

I bet you a boondollar that you can guess what they found. If you guessed “Magical fish that can cure any illness,” you're correct! Hand over the cash. If you didn't guess the magical fish then hand over the money anyways as compensation for me having to deal with how stupid you are.

So the Royal Guard found the magical fish, killed it and then it was fed to the Queen. That dumb fish pretty much got the short end of the stick. That's what you get when you try to selflessly help people. I totally bet that fish wouldn't have helped the Condesce if he knew she was going to cause his death. The fish ended up dead and the Queen was cured of her illness and eventually gave birth to a healthy baby girl with hair that was midnight blue.

The Condesce was furious. Not only had her plan to retake the throne failed but her magic ticket to eternity had been snatched and sauteed with butter and lemon to rescue the woman she wanted dead. In her fury rage she decided to sneak into the castle and kill the newborn princess.

In the middle of the night she broke into the newborn's nursery but before she struck a killing blow to the baby like it was even cool or impressive to kill a baby she saw the child's hair was the exact same color of the fish's scale. And even though she was full of murder rage she was a dangerously smart woman and was able to connect two and two. She smoothed a hand across the midnight black hair and felt the same magic wash over her that she had felt when the fish had healed her. Instead of killing the baby she snatched her away and fled the castle before the King and Queen realized anything was wrong.

It didn't take long before someone realized that the child gone was and a kingdom wide search was organized to find the missing princess. The Condesce had hidden herself away in a place that no one would find for the next 18 years though. The Royal Guard returned empty handed to everyone's dismay.

Personally, I don't think she was very hidden. I mean I found her secret hideout by accident and the Royal Guard was actually looking. I am pretty amazing though so I guess I can't hold it against them too much for not being able to find a giant tower. Still I bet that if I was in charge of the Royal Guard they would have been way more up to par and they would have found that princess like way sooner. Probably The Condesce wouldn't have even made it into the castle if I was in charge of the Guard. Lucky for them, someone eventually does find the princess.

Anyways, back to the story. Let's finish this shit up.

It was custom in the kingdom to lite a lantern to ensure the safe return of sailors and even though the princess wasn't a sailor and would be more than useless on a ship, in a last ditch effort for the princess to find her way home every person in the kingdom lit a lantern. The whole sky was filled with small paper on fire, and it's always surprising that there weren't a huge number of fires. It seems stupidly unsafe to me but oh well, like I said, I'm not in charge.

Hidden away in a tower the lost princess watched the lanterns every year, for 17 years, float up into the sky on her birthday and wondered what they were for. That is until a dashing woman found her and swept her away on the adventure of a lifetime.

In case you didn't guess that dashing woman was me, Spinneret Mindfang, thief extraordinaire and overall fantastic troll being. The rest of this story is about how I died. Ha ha no not really. I'm too great to die. It's pretty close there at the end though. Just you wait and see.  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working out some kinks with this but the next chapter should be up in a few days or so. More characters and tags will be added as I go as well so stay tuned!


End file.
